I found out this morning that a friend of mine from back in high school is pretty sick.
We were inseparable back then. We were in band together and when not in school or at band practice we were always at each other's house. After my mom died I was pretty bad off. I got deep into drugs to help ease the pain that I was going through. It was an easy way to escape everything that was going on. He knew what I was doing and didn't like it, but still stuck by me.
After graduation he had been working for a local guy helping him out with stuff and he was offered a house to rent. We talked it over and I moved in with him. It was the first time that I had been away from home. My dad had recently remarried and I was not happy about it. I felt that he was betraying my mother's memory and me. I was angry at everything and felt that it was my chance to get away from all of it.
I started hanging out with a bad crowd of people and got even further into my addiction; still trying to escape the pain that I was in, it seemed like the best way to handle it. I ended up screwing him over pretty badly. I was not paying any of my part of the bills. I kept promising him that I would give him money the following week, which never happened. All of my money went to drugs and escapism. I was dragging him into debt and didn't really care.
On Thanksgiving day of that year as I was driving up to Nashville to visit my grandparents I got in a wreck. A driver had run a stop sign and I had no choice but to either slam into them or run off the road into the ditch. I don't know if it was the drugs or just the adrenaline pumping through me, but the ditch didn't look so bad. It was worse than I had thought. My parents picked me up and helped me get everything straightened out with insurance. After staying with them for a few days, I went back home. Nothing had really changed for me other than being sore from the wreck. I still didn't care.
Christmas Eve of that year, my stepmother's mother was coming to visit and they wanted the whole family there. I stayed out there that night. On Christmas day my dad took my step-mom and everyone else out somewhere. I didn't want to go. I got a call from a "friend" asking if I wanted to come party with them. I could not refuse that offer. They came out and picked me up. I didn't leave a note or call anyone. I don't remember the next few days. I don't know where I was or what I had been doing. Someone told me afterwards that I had been passed out for at least a day; more than likely overdosed.
I somehow made it back home. My parents had talked to Justin and Jen trying to find out where I was. They told told them what was really going on. My parents confronted me about and took me home. Jen finally threatened some sense into me and made me realize that I was killing myself and hurting everyone else with how I was doing it. Justin asked me to move out. My parents helped me pack my things up and took me home to get myself sober. I believe that was the last time that I saw him.
After I got clean I talked my old boss into giving me my job back. My parents were in charge of my money at that point since we were still dealing with insurance after the car accident and getting my bills under control. They had gotten in touch with Justin to find out how much money I owed him. They worked out a payment schedule with him and I paid him back, but things would never be the same.
We lost touch after that. Life moved on and took us in different directions. It wasn't until 2 years ago (8 years after all of this happened) that I found him on MySpace. We exchanged a couple of emails, but they were nothing more than the standard "Hey, long time, how you doing?" type of emails. I had not talked to him since then.
I got an email from a mutual friend of ours this morning telling me that she had heard from someone else that he had been diagnosed with a pretty bad form of cancer. I was hoping that it was not true. I emailed him this morning to ask him about it. He emailed me back this evening and confirmed it.
I do not believe I have ever told anyone, that was not involved in all of it, the whole story before. I have thought about him a lot over the past few years. I will always feel terrible for what I did and how I left things with him. He was always a good person and a great friend. He did not deserve any of it and does not deserve what he is going through now.
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